All relationships have their ups and downs. But over time, stability and consistency can turn boring and monotonous if you’re not careful to add some variation to everyday routines.
Whether your relationship is new or has lasted for decades, it’s important to keep the spark alive. Here are 11 ways to get the spark back in your relationship.
11 ways to get the spark back in your relationship
- Physical touch: Physical intimacy is more than just sex. Hugs, back rubs, massages, etc. can make you feel closer to each other. Touch also releases oxytocin, which can help increase feelings of trust and generosity.
- Apologize when needed: Many times, when we mess up or hurt someone, our first tendency is to justify our actions which can lead to resentment. It’s important to leave your ego at the door and focus on winning the war, not the battle. Admitting your mistake, saying you're sorry, and moving on can help you build a strong relationship.
- Say thank you: Something as simple as thanking your partner when they do something nice for you shows that you appreciate them and don’t take them for granted.
- Look good: While you don’t need to look like a model or buy fancy clothes, just taking a few steps to look and feel good can help both partners appreciate the effort to look nice for each other.
- Listen to each other: When your partner talks, make sure to really listen. Ask your partner questions about their day or how they’re feeling. Not only does this help your partner feel that you care about them, but it also helps you better understand what it is they want from you.
- Give each other space: Smothering your partner with constant texting or calling and expecting them to give you their undivided attention all the time can be incredibly toxic. While it’s good to be protective of your partner, don’t be possessive. Give them space to be their own person.
- Pursue outside interests: Your partner shouldn’t fill every need you have for emotional support. Find your own hobbies, friends, or sources of support. And while you should do things together, respect your time apart as well. Spend time with your friends and family and follow your own interests.
- Have fun: Doing fun stuff together can help you break the monotony of your daily routine and grow closer together. You don’t need to spend a lot of time and money on these activities. It can be as simple as going on a picnic, trying out a new restaurant, watching a movie, or taking a class together.
- Be respectful: Communicate openly with criticizing each other. Avoid rolling your eyes or making passive-aggressive remarks, and try to set aside a defensive attitude. Be respectful in expressing your own thoughts and while listening to your partner’s thoughts.
- Be honest: Remember that your partner is not a mind reader. So make sure you are direct but tactful when letting your partner know about your needs, wants, feelings, and disappointments. Since dropping hints doesn't always work, don’t be afraid to just get right to the heart of the matter so that both sides are clear about what is being discussed.
- Seek help when needed: There is no shame in seeking help when it’s needed. When sought at the right time, a therapist can help you identify problems as a couple and guide you into improving the relationship.
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Medically Reviewed on 8/10/2021
References
Robinson KM. How to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/rekindle-romance
Firestone L. Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship. PsychAlive. https://www.psychalive.org/why-the-spark-fades-in-a-relationship/
Firestone L. Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship. PsychAlive. https://www.psychalive.org/why-the-spark-fades-in-a-relationship/
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