How Do I Stop Constant Fighting in My Marriage?

Medically Reviewed on 4/19/2022
How do I stop constant fighting in my marriage?
While some marital conflict is normal, constant fighting in a marriage can destabilize an otherwise happy relationship.

It is common knowledge that married couples, particularly those who have been married for a long period, have unresolved concerns. These concerns are never addressed because they are pushed under the carpet for fear of upsetting the household's serenity. If you use this strategy to avoid dealing with the problem, you'll end up with a lot of disagreements and resentment that could get nasty.

Although experts recommend that a certain degree of conflict is healthy, if simmering concerns are not resolved at the earliest, these problems can generate disruptive undercurrents in relationships that can destabilize an otherwise happy marriage.

It's never simple to comprehend disharmony. It is far more than just a matter of various backgrounds and belief systems. It can't be attributed to different habits and expectations.

The key to resolving a marital conflict is dealing with it maturely and compassionately.

10 suggestions for married couples going through a difficult time

Ten suggestions for married couples going through a difficult time include:

  1. Recognize your part in the conflict:
    • Our first reaction in a conflict is to respond.
    • How many of us actually listen to what's being said to comprehend and empathize?
    • Most of the time, we merely listen to respond.
    • Simply pause when you want to react. Take a step back. Consider and reflect.
    • Consider what role you played in the escalation of this confrontation.
    • Did you yell at the top of your lungs?
    • Did you try to control the outcome of a situation by patronizing it?
    • Are you the perpetrator or just a bystander?
    • You will gain clarity on the problem after you understand the root reason. Accept responsibility for your part and work toward a solution.
  2. Develop the ability to let go:
    • You may need to dig deep and draw from the love you have for your partner in this situation.
    • Partners can be aggravating at times. They may be doing so unwittingly.
    • If difficulties are minor, arguing about them is a waste of your loving energy.
    • Patience is essential in this situation.
    • Take strength from your love for your better half and let go of the majority of the things that aren't harmful.
    • If you look at it from a different angle, you could even find it hilarious.
  3. Concentrate on the topic at hand:
    • When couples quarrel, they frequently veer off in different directions.
    • There would be a lot of disagreements between you two because you have so much history.
    • It is possible to bring up old disagreements and incidents while ignoring the main topic at hand. This intensifies the disagreement and creates a more hostile environment.
    • Let the past be the past. Simply focus on the current issue and resolve to solve it.
  4. Maintain your composure:
    • In a quarrel, raising your voice and yelling at your partner are the worst things you can do.
    • When one of the partners becomes defensive and shouts back, the other simply withdraws and becomes nonresponsive.
    • This defeats the whole point of “sorting it out.”
    • Take a deep breath instead of hitting it out. Take a moment to think about it.
    • It is preferable if you get away from the scenario or go for a stroll to help you clear your mind.
    • Take some time to relax and then return to your partner to work out a solution.
  5. Allow each other to communicate and express themselves:
    • It all comes down to being a good listener. It's a quality that most of us need to work on.
    • Remember that if your partner refuses to consider your point of view, the issue will worsen.
    • Instead of disregarding each other's viewpoints indiscriminately, each of you must appreciate each other's positions.
    • Stop persuading and influencing your spouse if they feel hemmed in and powerless to handle the problem.
    • Each of you must patiently listen to fully comprehend the problems.
    • Allow your companion to communicate openly and without inhibition. Don't get in the way and speak out before it's your turn.
    • It's critical for partners to believe they're being heard.
    • When your spouse is speaking, give your whole attention to them and take turns expressing your feelings and opinions.
    • Reciprocal attention generates greater understanding, which leads to increased awareness and assistance in fixing the situation.
  6. Express regret:
    • Nothing is more powerful than apologizing in a disagreement.
    • Rather than focusing on what is right or wrong, acknowledge each other's sentiments and give a heartfelt apology aimed at lessening the bitterness.
    • Partners can move away from spitefulness with an empathetic demonstration of contrition.
    • Remember that an important part of apologizing is making a conscious shift in behavior.
    • Make the necessary changes and start over.
  7. Emotions have a lot of power:
    • Avoid bringing reasoning into an emotional discussion.
    • Handle the situation delicately. 
    • Most of the time, the best results are not dependent on logic and reasoning. 
    • Don't try to solve a problem by thinking about it. 
    • Partners feel safer when disagreements are resolved with love, compassion, and warmth.
    • It aids in identifying and resolving the underlying irritation that presents as a larger issue. This leads to a more satisfactory conclusion.
    • Blaming each other breeds animosity, which is best avoided if you want your relationship to last. You may take a time out if needed.
  8. Don't make snap judgments:
    • Giving your spouse the benefit of doubt is a good idea. 
    • Before you draw any inferences, be sure you understand them exactly how they want to be understood. 
    • Instead of making up a story about the problem that is bugging you, address it. 
    • Avoid giving the story an unwelcome twist by making up a completely new story that isn't true. 
    • If something your partner says is unclear or confusing to you, instead of making an assumption, ask for clarification. Refrain from speaking into their mouths.
  9. Don't go to bed irritated:
    • Before you call it a day, settle the feud. Don't let the unresolved squabbles keep you awake at night.
    • This will not only increase your emotional tension but also make you feel unappreciated and lost.
    • Furthermore, you will carry the dispute over to the next day, escalating it in the process. 
  10. A little wiggle room isn't a bad thing:
    • Remember why you fell in love in the first place, and resolve to discover solutions that will satisfy both parties.
    • If you want to take it a step further, switch roles.
    • Take it in turns to try out each other's ideas. It will show which strategy or solution is the most effective.
    • This would imply that each partner will have their say once and then the other partner will take control the next time. That's a win-win situation!


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Medically Reviewed on 4/19/2022
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