Patient Comments: Borderline Personality Disorder - Symptoms

Question:

What symptoms did you experience with borderline personality disorder? Submit Your Comment

Comment from: Ronny, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: October 13

I was stung walking out of the shallows (less than knee deep) at San Onofre State beach. It felt like something loosely grabbed my foot then I got nailed in the ankle. Felt like someone just jabbed me superfast with a hypodermic. I knew it was a stingray immediately even though I had never been stung even by a jellyfish. Soon as I got out of the water I saw blood oozing from a single puncture wound. I instinctively reached down and squished it, and oozed more blood out. It felt like a bee sting, then like a wasp sting. Didn't get much worse than that. I called 911 just in case I had a reaction. I'd never had a problem with stings but I read where marine venoms were more evolved than their land counterparts. Although the pain subsided after about an hour, two weeks later it's still slightly swollen and itchy. There is some super light oozing. The paramedics were surprised I wasn't in more pain. Personally I feel I may have squished out a portion of the venom. So that's a hint for future reference. Hope I never get stung again but maybe I'll take a venom sucker out thingy with me in the future.

Comment from: GARRETT77, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: June 24

I am weak with explosive diarrhea due to ulcerative colitis, which has caused hypokalemia. My tongue has been tingling and I have a horrible metallic taste in my mouth. My muscles in my legs have also been twitching.

Comment from: Confused, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: September 15

I experience mood swings throughout the day, I can be very sensitive or very angry at times. I get panic attacks all the time. My job requires public speaking and I freak out in my mind and try to be cool about it but I start to get blurred vision, I feel like I'm never doing a good job. I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see while others see a beautiful woman. I always have to pretend that I'm confident because I don't want to show a sign of weakness. I just hate being me I wish I was normal like other people. I take medication for my borderline personality disorder and it takes some of the edge off but I'm still not normal. I'm embarrassed to say that I have a mental illness. People will just think I'm crazy, I've had childhood trauma and I'm finally feeling like I can be an advocate and talk about my issues I have too many feelings and mood swings and am afraid of relationships, etc.

Comment from: lost to bpd, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: January 23

I learned a year ago I have BPD (borderline personality disorder). It's hard to live with. I have been working with a doctor and counselor since then but it's hard to maintain a relationship with them. I drink and know I shouldn't. I feel alone at times and as though my husband doesn't understand me. My life is an emotional roller coaster I feel as though I have no control. I lose my temper often. I feel like there is no hope for me, my mental illness is taking control of me. I ask myself each day what it may bring. I have thoughts of suicide often that my family would be better off without me. One thing stops me, my son who is 17.

Comment from: Jay, 55-64 Female (Patient) Published: December 29

I am not so sure but some of these cysts that have been described sound more like boils. I have had both; neither is pleasant. The more I research and learn, the more I realize that Bartholin cyst may be related to a thyroid or an adrenal hormone imbalance problem coupled with (at least in my case) dryness due to menopause. I am looking for a specific herbal remedy to terminate blood flow to these disgusting things. In other words, turn them off from the inside out! I have heard that black walnut hulls hold this potential.

Comment from: scared, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: April 04

I learned a few weeks ago that I have BPD. Since then I've been struggling with the reality of my condition, especially after reading that the treatment can be minimal. I still have hope that I can be a normal, functioning human being one day. As of right now, I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and most recently BPD. I am a mother and a fiancé, and I feel that my family is being greatly affected by my condition. I self-mutilate to the point where I'm afraid to go outside. I'm terrified of being alone. Anything can be a trigger, and I can get extremely aggressive. I'm afraid that I might lose my family. My last hope is to see a psychiatrist in hopes that I can go further than just medication with my treatment.

Comment from: natalie, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: August 24

I've just been told I have BPD. I have mood swings that are out of my control and it's almost like another person takes over and you don't care what the side affect will be , I almost turned my whole family against me with the lying and steeling off them but my mum took me to a doctor along with all the other symptoms I had. I was sent to a CPN which has now just diagnosed me and I am just about to discuss treatment. You're not alone and I know how you feel when you are down the best thing you can do is when you hit that low bit is to spend time with someone. I did and now I feel like I'm normal again. I know the problem is still there but it helps me between my meetings. I also just stay off the alcohol that's a depressant itself not good!! Hope your bpd turns out okay, and remember you're not a nut case your special!!!

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Comment from: desirejay, 19-24 Female (Caregiver) Published: May 20

My sister was diagnosed with this disorder several years ago. Every single symptom fits her to a T. Unfortunately, mental illness runs in our family, as our mother suffers from schizoaffective disorder and avoided medication for our entire lives. My sister is amazing and has really worked on many of her most demanding symptoms (self-mutilation, eating disorders, anger) with a professional. She has more confidence and has been able to maintain healthier relationships with people. I help when I can, but the most I can do is listen when she needs me.

Comment from: Living_in_hell, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: January 08

I've had this illness for at least 20 years. I feel that there are not enough resources in Canada for patients that are borderline. Every day I wish I could just die because of the suffering. I feel that this illness is not taken as seriously as others such as depression or bipolar. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so negative. I'm just so tired of feeling so awful all the time. I constantly feel like everyone hates me and that they all want to hurt me. My emotions are up and down all day. But when I get depressed, it can last for days. I tend to pull away from people and stay alone. I always think the worst. I look in the mirror and see an ugly woman all the time. I feel that I am not capable of ever being happy. I wish I could just die all the time.

Comment from: michellemelton13, 25-34 Female (Patient) Published: January 07

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder over five years ago. I am 31 years old and just now learning to deal with the rage. It takes a toll on my mind and body and being told your crazy is not a great way to cope. I have a hard time dealing with abandonment and I suffered a lot of abuse as a child. My disorder is misunderstood and I have lost a lot of people due to the fact they do not understand . It's hard to have the symptoms and understand that we are not alone. There is a light in the dark we just have to know it is within ourselves.

Comment from: JerseyGirl, 55-64 Female (Caregiver) Published: December 10

I am a 59 year old daughter of a a mother with BPD. All my life I have been scapegoated by her and this has resulted in my experiencing major depressive disorder. I try to ignore some of her behavior recognizing that it is her disorder driving her behavior. The intensity of her anger is the scariest part of interacting with her. Sometimes you can see the "madness" in her eyes. I have given up the hope I have had most of my life that if I just pleased her a little more, everything would be ok. Now, I would just like it all to end. I don't wish her ill, but her death will be the only way I can see being free of her torment. I am writing this so BPD parents can see the effect you may be having on your children and seek some kind of family therapy before they start praying for you to be gone from their lives. It is all just such a profound sadness.

Comment from: its not hopeless, 25-34 Female Published: July 12

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 4 years ago. It was actually a relief to know why I feel the way I do! I'm not one for group therapy, and all the medications they gave me made me feel worse. I took things into my own hands. I researched and educated myself on the illness. It's still an everyday battle and occasionally I still cut myself and think I'd be better off dead. I constantly remind myself why I feel the way I do and it helps. I've managed to maintain a healthy relationship and successful career. I will never feel the way normal people feel, but I know the way I feel and have no choice but to maintain, I have a little girl who needs me.

Comment from: 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: May 31

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) when I was forced into a mental hospital after self-injuring a bit too deep. I'm still mad about that, but I am also thankful for it. That doctor diagnosed me, which led me to dialectical behavior therapy. I cut myself for around 15 years, but I haven't since the second week of therapy (about 8 months ago). After 2 or 3 months, I quit even thinking about it. My moods are stable now, and I can actually handle them. I just wanted to share so everyone knows there IS hope. Maybe dialectical behavior therapy isn't for you (though you should try), but something out there is.

Comment from: fruitl00p, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: May 18

A year ago I learned that I have BPD. My only hope is that one day I can feel normal and not crazy. I struggle every day with this disorder; I go from being super happy one second to being angry or sad the next and it changes so quickly, one little thing can set me off and that's it. I feel as though, no one understands what I go through on a daily basis, maybe if someone did understand I wouldn't feel so alone. The relationships I hold with people, are minimal. I don't have many friends because I like them and then they do one little thing and I can't get that little thing out of my head and I end up hating them. I take everything so personally, like if someone doesn't message me back, I think they read it and just don't want to talk so they are ignoring me or they don't like me. Things that aren't a big deal to everyone else, are a big deal to me and then there is conflict. Dating wise is not a fun experience. Even when I am aware that I am getting treated horribly, I stay for fear that I will be alone the rest of my life. Who would want to date someone that can't control their emotions and freaks out over the smallest things! I feel like I'll never be happy.

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Comment from: FreakedOut, 25-34 Female (Patient) Published: May 03

I am currently an in-patient in a mood disorder program. I was recently told I had borderline personality disorder (BPD). I have had feelings of emptiness, fear of abandonment, uncontrollable rages, suicide attempts, and self-harm behaviors. I continuously feel like people hate me as much as I hate myself. When I do meet with my medical doctor I am afraid to tell him the truth about how I am feeling for fear of judgment. I know he is here to help me but I find myself lying just for approval. I was married and now separated as my husband could not cope with my mood swings. I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. Reading more about this illness and poor recovery is alarming. I am so scared and not sure what to do.

Comment from: Laura, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: March 22

Please help me! I cant control my life, one minute im ok the next im in A and E after hurting myself mainly overdose but i do self harm im always paranoid i feel like i have to be perfect i feel empty inside and i cant control my mood its either high or low never in between. My spending is out of control i feel like i dont belong and i find it hard to keep friends not that i have any i feel isolated and different and i have low self esteem.

Comment from: dls57, 55-64 Female (Patient) Published: February 18

Extreme mood swings come with my borderline personality disorder. I didn't even know it was going to happen. All of the sudden I saw red and I would scream at everyone from family to friends. My anger would especially be toward clerks in stores. If I perceived poor service I would in a low, vicious voice tell them how bad, how they should be fired, and on and on. My children tell me they would not go to town with me anymore because of my anger. I have made numerous (at least 5 times)attempts at suicide in the last 11 years. My childhood was very messed up which I have been told is systematic of BPD.

Comment from: Mahzabeen, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: May 22

I underestimate myself then very often find myself doing better than others, who I admire.

Comment from: ArmyWife, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: May 03

I have known that I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder for about eight years now. There are times when I just feel like my world is spiraling out of control and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Some days I look at my husband and hate him, for no reason. Other days I am fine. It's just a crazy rollercoaster that I'll never be able to get off of.

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