Sex mistakes
Men and women experience sex differently. You may think you’re doing all the right things based on experience and your own knowledge. But what if you’re making inadvertent mistakes that could hamper your partner’s sexual satisfaction? Despite all your best efforts, if things aren’t smoking in the bedroom, maybe you’re making one or more of these 7 common sex mistakes.
1. It’s not all about the physical.
One of the biggest reasons why women experience sexual dissatisfaction or sexual dysfunction is a lack of emotional intimacy. This doesn’t mean that men don’t need intimacy for great sex. It just means that when it comes to the act of sex, men and women vary in their approaches.
Women want to experience the emotional bonding that arises from talking and connecting before being able to fully enjoy the sexual experience. For men, on the other hand, sex is the route to intimacy.
So if the fires are just not getting stoked in the bedroom, it may be time to look at how you relate to your partner outside of it. Spend more time bonding in non-sexual ways through touching and kissing, and bonding emotionally through talking.
2. Not factoring in your partner’s needs
Partners can have different ideas and needs when it comes to sex. People have different expectations, want sex at different levels of frequency, and even have different levels of sexual desire. But fulfilling sex is possible if both partners are willing to reflect and talk about their sexual needs with complete honesty.
Addressing the elephant in the room is not easy. But it helps to bring partners closer together in a more gratifying sexual relationship. Set apart some time for communication, and to do it often. Reassure your partner that you’re willing to listen and to consider what they say.
3. Keeping things routine
If you’re doing the same thing at all the same places at all the same times, it may be time to try something new. Even if you think you’ve refined your technique to a fine art or you believe in the tried and trusted, your partner may be finding sex predictable and routine. Spicing things up can refresh and revive your sexual relationship.
Try having sex at a different time during the day. If sex is the last thing you do at night, try a morning seduction before you both get sucked into the daily grind. Explore new techniques online. Taking your partner’s comfort into account. Try oral sex, massages, or even add a vibrator to the mix.
4. Racing to the finish line
On average, ejaculation in a man takes place around the 5 and a half minute mark after starting sex. On average, a woman desires intromission (the act of inserting the penis into the vagina during sex) to last 15 mins. But before grabbing your stopwatch, desired intromission times can vary from woman to woman.
Some women don’t necessarily want or need the marathon. Communication with your partner is key to finding a rhythm that works for both partners.
Sometimes, a man can have a medical condition called premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation causes men to regularly climax within a minute of entering the partner. Consult your GP for treatment options. There are also several non-medical techniques and practices that can help.
5. Failure to launch
Women on average take around 10 to 11 minutes to reach orgasm if they orgasm at all. Many women don't climax during penetrative sex. Some women enjoy sex without orgasms. But if you’re partner isn’t getting orgasms through sex and feels dissatisfied, you may have to try a few different approaches.
Talk to your partner about introducing sex toys and ph-balanced organic lubricants. Read aloud erotic fiction or watch female-friendly sex videos together. Experiment with different sexual positions. Spend time in clitoral stimulation.
6. Lack of knowledge of the female anatomy
Many women are unable to achieve orgasm with vaginal sex but can climax with direct clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is one of the pleasure centers in the female body. It’s found just under the hood where the inner labia meet.
Aside from the clitoris, the following areas are considered to be the most sensitive and erogenous zones in a woman’s body:
- G-spot’(seen a few inches inside the upper wall of the vagina),
- Breasts,
- The combined area of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the vagina represents all the most sensitive female erogenous zones.
Touching and stimulating these zones can help bring your partner to climax.
7. The post-sex cold shoulder
Research indicates a strong connection between post-sex affection and relationship satisfaction. The period just after completion of the sex act is seen as important to building the bonds of intimacy vital for satisfying relationships.
How about some post-coital spooning? Take the time out to cuddle and spend intimate moments with your partner after sex. It can strengthen your relationship and lead to more mutually satisfying sex.
Summing it up
Even if you’ve been making one or more of these sex mistakes, it’s never too late to turn things around. Have regular conversations with your partner about each others’ sexual needs and desires. Try something new. Reach out to your doctor if you need professional support.
Cleveland Clinic: "There's Help for Women Who Can’t Achieve Orgasm."
Mayo Clinic: "Women's sexual health: Talking about your sexual needs."
NIH: "Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction."
NHS: "Can premature ejaculation be controlled?"
Patient: "How to orgasm more easily during sex."
PMC: "Duration of sexual intercourse related to satisfaction: survey of Japanese married couples."
Relate: "The Way We Are Now – The state of the UK's relationships."
University of Florida, IFAS Extension: "4 WAYS TO FEEL MORE INTIMATE WITH YOUR PARTNER."
WebMD: "Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?"
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