Temper Tantrums (cont.)
Can temper tantrums be prevented?
While elimination of all toddler temper tantrums is an unrealistic goal,
lessening their frequency and intensity is a realistic one. Developmental
pediatricians offer these suggestions:
- Parents need to learn how to deal with
their own frustrations and anger in an effective manner. Children learn by
observation ("Monkey see, monkey do").
- Have realistic expectations of childhood
behavior for a given age range. Expecting a toddler to remain seated and sedate
during church service or while in a fancy restaurant will only lead to frustration for both
age groups.
- Help your child find the proper verbal way of expressing their
frustrations. ("I know you are mad that I won't give you the carving knife daddy
just used, but you will get hurt. You will get an 'owie.'")
- Seek out good
behavior and reward it. "The carrot often works wonders when the stick commonly
fails." Don't take what is commonly considered appropriate adult behavior for
granted in the toddler age range. For example, "I am proud of you for waiting
your turn to go on the slide. As a reward, you can go two extra times!"
- Defuse a potentially volatile situation by advance notice. For example, "We
have to leave the park after you go down the slide two more times." This gives
the child the opportunity to assert some control over the situation and develop
an alternative approach to a frustrating event.
- Toddlers crave control. Allow
simple choices during the day and compliment the choice (whatever it is.) For
example, "Do you want some apple or banana at lunch? An apple…I like apples,
too." Similarly, don't enter a battle you will lose. For example, "If you don't
eat this apple, you'll have to sit at the table until you do." Almost
every parent has learned that such a threat is unenforceable. Let the child win
the battle; you will win the war.
- Plan ahead and avoid known situations of
conflict if possible. A trip to the market for one hour in the late afternoon is
tough for both you and your toddler. Aim for the morning, with the pledge that he
can go to the park if he behaves himself.
