Hey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex
with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a
lot of basic errors and omissions about women's sexuality -- errors that can
lead to sex mistakes.
That's because -- after learning the facts of life -- most of us are left to
figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies,
and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women
can be shy when talking about what they like.
To help us with some sex tips, WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators,
Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common
sex mistakes men make with women.
Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest
project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.
Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she
gives seminars nationwide.
Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants
Men often make assumptions about
what a woman wants based upon what they've done with other women. But women
aren't all the same.
"You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume
that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person," Taormino
says.
That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to
relationships, she
says. "There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can
get attached very easily, and then everyone in between."
What is the most common cause of sex problems among men and women?
While they can take many forms,
sexual problems are defined as any physical or emotional issue that prevents a couple from achieving a mutually satisfying intimate relationship. Among the most common for men include prostate problems, a decrease in the blood supply to the penis due to diabetes, heart disease, or other health concerns, nerve damage to the spinal cord, or a decrease in the hormone testosterone.
Common sexual problems in women common problems include a lack of desire caused by a decrease in the hormone estrogen,
thyroid disorders (which can also affect some men), and pain during intercourse caused by any number of vaginal problems, including a lack of lubrication.
Some couples also find that the use of certain drugs can also cause sexual problems. These include alcohol, nicotine, narcotics, stimulants, some blood pressure drugs, antihistamines, and certain
antidepressant medications.
What is the most common sexual problem in men?
Studies show it is premature ejaculation, which can affect up to 75% of men. Clinically it is defined as the release of the ejaculate from the penis either before intercourse can take place, or quickly after it starts, usually within less than 15 "thrusts." While every man will experience premature ejaculation at least once in their life, for some the problem is chronic. When this is the case causes can be linked to a highly sensitive and easily stimulated nervous system, obsessive compulsive disorder, or sometimes a lack of control over the body's response to excitement. A frequently overlooked cause of temporary premature ejaculation is an infection in the prostate gland known as prostatitis. When this is the case, a course of antibiotics often solves the problem. Temporary problems can also result from stress, or from the use of certain medications including some cold pills.
Treatments for chronic premature ejaculation include the antidepressant medication Anafranil taken 12 hours before sex, and use of a condom to help reduce sensation. Sometimes a prescription lidocaine cream can also help by reducing sensation, but that can also impact the partner.
Yeast vaginitis is a yeast infection of the vagina. Symptoms include itching, burning, soreness, pain during intercourse and urination, and vaginal discharge. Yeast infections can be treated with over-the-counter and prescription medications.
Bacterial vaginosis is an abnormal vaginal condition that is characterized by vaginal discharge resulting from an overgrowth of normal bacteria in the vagina. Although it may cause some disturbing symptoms (discharge and odor), it is not dangerous and cannot be passed by sex. Diagnosis becomes important to exclude serious infections like gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Many treatment options are available such as oral antibiotics and vaginal gels.
Kidney infection (pyelonephritis) usually is caused from bacteria that have spread from the bladder from a UTI (urinary tract infection), poor hygiene, sexual intercourse, pregnancy, catheter, cystoscope exam, surgery, kidney stones, or prostate enlargement. Symptoms of kidney infection include: back pain, frequent urination, pain during urination, fever, and or pus or blood in the urine. Kidney infection is usually treated with antibiotics.
Menstrual cramps (pain in the belly and pelvic area) are experienced by women as a result of menses. Menstrual cramps are not the same as premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Menstrual cramps are common, and may be accompanied by headache, nausea, vomiting, constipation, or diarrhea. Severity of menstrual cramp pain varies from woman to woman. Treatment includes OTC or prescription pain relief medication.
Genital herpes, a viral infection by the herpes simplex virus (HSV), is transmitted during sexual contact with the mucous-covered linings of the mouth, vagina, or the genital skin. A typical outbreak begins with an itching or tingling sensation followed by redness of the skin and blister formation. The blisters and ulcers that form when the blisters break are painful to the touch, and last from 7 days to 2 weeks. Though there is no cure for herpes, there are ways to treat outbreaks.
HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is the cause of AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome). HIV is a type of virus called a retrovirus, which infects humans when it comes in contact with a break in the skin or tissues such as those that line the vagina, anal area, mouth, or eyes.
Sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs,
are infections that are transmitted during any type of sexual exposure,
including intercourse (vaginal or anal), oral sex, and the sharing of sexual
devices, such as vibrators. Women can contract all of the STDs, but may have no symptoms, or have different symptoms than men do.
Prostatitis is a painful condition of the prostate gland. There are four types of prostatitis, acute bacterial, chronic bacterial, chronic pelvic pain syndrome, and asymptomatic inflammatory prostatitis. Diagnosis is made with a digital rectal exam, urinalysis, ultrasound, MRI, biopsy, or blood test. Treatment depends upon the type of prostatitis.
Menopause is the time in a woman's life when menstrual periods permanently stop, also called the “change of life." Menopause symptoms include hot flashes, night sweats, irregular vaginal bleeding, vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, urinary incontinence, weight gain, and emotional symptoms such as mood swings. Treatment of menopausal symptoms varies, and should be discussed with your physician.
Chlamydia, a type of bacteria that causes an infection, is spread through sexual contact. Most of the time, women with chlamydia have no symptoms. Antibiotics are an effective treatment for chlamydia.
Normal vaginal bleeding (menorrhea) occurs through the process of menstruation. Abnormal vaginal bleeding in women who are ovulating regularly most commonly involves excessive, frequent, irregular, or decreased bleeding. Causes of abnormal may arise from a variety of conditions.
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) is the most common and serious complication of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), aside from AIDS, among women. The signs and symptoms of pelvic inflammatory disease include: fever, vaginal discharge with a foul odor, abdominal pain, including pain during intercourse, and irregular vaginal bleeding. Pelvic inflammatory disease can scar the Fallopian tubes, ovaries, and related structures and lead to ectopic pregnancies, infertility, chronic pelvic pain, and other serious consequences. Pelvic inflammatory disease treatment includes several types of antibiotics.
Impotence, also known as erectile dysfunction, is a common
problem among men characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an
erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve
ejaculation, or both. Impotence can have emotional causes but most often it is
due to a physical problem.
Blood in semen is also known as hematospermia. Blood in semen can be caused by many conditions affecting the tubes that distribute semen from the testicles (seminal vesicles) or the prostate gland. Symptoms that may accompany blood in semen include blood in the urine, fever, painful urination, pain with ejaculation, tenderness, and swelling in the testes or groin area. Urinalysis, ultrasound, and MRI may be used to diagnose blood in the semen. Treatment depends upon the underlying cause of blood in the semen.
Vaginitis is any type of vaginal infection or inflammation. The six most common types of vaginitis are Candida (yeast infections), bacterial vaginosis, trichomoniasis vaginitis, chlamydia vaginitis, viral vaginitis, and noninfectious vaginitis. Symptoms include itching, burning, and abnormal vaginal discharge. Treatment is different for each type of vaginitis.
Human papillomavirus (HPV) infection is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the U.S. HPV is primarily transmitted by sexual contact. While some people develop warts in the genital region after infection, others experience no symptoms. Though genital warts can be removed, there is no cure for HPV infection. There is a vaccine to prevent infection from four common HPV types.
Sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs, are infections that are transmitted during any
type of sexual exposure, including intercourse (vaginal or anal), oral sex, and
the sharing of sexual devices, such as vibrators. Although treatment exists for many STDs, others currently are
usually incurable, such as those caused by HIV, HPV, hepatitis B and C, and HHV-8.
Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection transmitted during sexual contact. In women, symptoms include a yellow vaginal discharge, burning or frequent urination, and redness, swelling, burning and itching of the vaginal area. Gonorrhea can be treated with injectable (penicillin) or oral medications.
The term sex addiction describes the behavior of someone who has an unusually strong sex drive or sexual obsession. Sex and thoughts of sex dominate a sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships. Sex addicts may engage in exhibitionism, voyeurism, prostitution, compulsive masturbation, or cybersex. Treatment for sex addiction includes individual counseling, marital and/or family therapy, support groups, 12-step recovery programs, and in some cases, medications.
Testicular pain, or pain in the testicle or testicles are caused by a variety of diseases or conditions such as testicular trauma, testicular torsion, testicular cancer, epididymitis, and orchitis. Common symptoms of pain in the testicle or testicles are abdominal pain, urinary pain or incontinence, fever, nausea, vomiting, and pain in the scrotum or testicle. Treatment depends on the cause of the testicular pain or pain in the testicles.
Male sexual dysfunction can be caused by physical or psychological problems. Common sexual problems in men include erectile dysfunction (impotence or ED), premature ejaculation and loss of libido. Treatment for sexual dysfunction in men may involve medication, hormone therapy, psychological therapy, and the use of mechanical aids.
Pubic lice (crabs) are parasitic insects found in the genital area, and are primarily spread through sexual contact. Symptoms of crabs include itching and visible nits (lice eggs) and crawling lice. Treatment includes using lice-killing shampoo and washing bedding and clothing in hot water.
Vulvodynia or vaginal pain, genital pain is a condition in which women have chronic vulvar pain with no known cause. There are two types of vulvodynia, generalized vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis. Researchers are trying to find the causes of vulvodynia, which may include nerve irritation, genetic factors, hypersensitivity to yeast infections, muscle spasms, hormonal changes, and more. The most common symptoms of vaginal pain (vulvodynia) is burning, rawness, itching, stinging, aching, soreness, and throbbing. There are a variety of treatments that can ease the symptoms of vulvodynia (vaginal pain).
Hot flashes are experienced by many women, however, not all women undergoing menopause experience hot flashes. A hot flash is a feeling of warmth that spreads over the body. Treatment for hot flashes include hormone replacement therapy and alternative prescription medications such as SSRIs (Effexor, Paxil, Prozac), clonidine (Catapres), megestrol (Megace), and gabapentin (Neurontin). Few alternative treatments for hot flashes (for example phytoestrogens - isoflavones, black cohosh, and vitamin E have been scientifically studied.
Trichomoniasis is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by a parasite passed from person to person. Trichomoniasis can be picked up from contact with damp, moist objects like towels, wet clothing, or toilet seat. Symptoms include yellow, green, or gray vaginal discharge with a strong odor, painful intercourse or urination, genital irritation and itching, and lower abdominal pain. Medication is the only treatment for trichomoniasis.
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of physical and emotional disturbances that occur after a woman ovulates and ends with menstruation. Common PMS symptoms include depression, irritability, crying, oversensitivity, and mood swings. For some women PMS symptoms can be controlled with medications and lifestyle changes such as exercise, nutrition, and a family and friend support system.
Infertility is the diminished ability to conceive a child. The primary cause of infertility in men is a sperm disorder. In women, the primary cause of infertility is an ovulation disorder. Most forms of infertility can be treated. Conventional infertility therapies include drugs or surgery.
The HPV virus (genital warts) in men can cause health problems. Genital warts are confined primarily to the moist skin of the genitals or around the anus. Genital warts are caused by the human papillomaviruses (HPVs), which are transmitted through sexual contact.
The female reproductive system is designed to carry out several functions, including producing the female egg cells, conception, and producing female sex hormones that maintain the reproductive cycle. During menopause the female reproductive system gradually stops making the female hormones necessary for the reproductive cycle to work.
If a woman is sexually active and she is fertile and physically
able to become pregnant, she needs to ask herself, "Do I want to become pregnant now?"
If her answer is "No," she must use some method of birth control
(contraception).
Terminology that is used to describe birth control methods
includes contraception, pregnancy prevention, fertility control, and
family planning. But no matter what
terminology, sexually active people can choose from a number of
methods to reduce the possibility of their becoming pregnant. Nevertheless, no
method of birth control available today offers perfect protection against
sexually transmitted infections (sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs), except abstinence.
In simple terms, all methods of birth control are based on either preventing
a man's sperm from reaching and entering a woman's egg (fertilization) or
preventing the fertilized egg from implanting in the woman'...
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