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November 7, 2009
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Frequently Asked Questions About Sex and Relationships

6 Sex Mistakes Men Make

Author: Martin F. Downs
Editor: Louise Chang, MD

6 Sex Mistakes Men Make: Find out if you are pleasing your woman, you may not be!Hey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a lot of basic errors and omissions about women's sexuality -- errors that can lead to sex mistakes.

That's because -- after learning the facts of life -- most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.

To help us with some sex tips, WebMD asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.

Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer. Her latest project is the Expert Guide educational video series from Vivid Ed.

Paget is author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, and she gives seminars nationwide.

Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants

Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they've done with other women. But women aren't all the same.

"You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person," Taormino says.

That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. "There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between."

What is the most common cause of sex problems among couples?

While they can take many forms, sex problems are defined as any physical or emotional issue that prevents a couple from achieving a mutually satisfying intimate relationship. Among the most common for men include prostate problems, a decrease in the blood supply to the penis due to diabetes, heart disease or other health concerns, nerve damage to the spinal cord, or a decrease in the hormone testosterone. In women common problems include a lack of desire caused by a decrease in the hormone estrogen, thyroid disorders (which can also affect some men), and pain during intercourse caused by any number of vaginal problems, including a lack of lubrication.

Some couples also find that the use of certain drugs can also cause sexual problems. These include alcohol, nicotine, narcotics, stimulants, some blood pressure drugs, antihistamines, and certain antidepressant medications.

What is the most common sexual condition affecting men?

Studies show it is premature ejaculation, which can affect up to 75% of men. Clinically it is defined as the release of the ejaculate from the penis either before intercourse can take place, or quickly after it starts, usually within less than 15 "thrusts." While every man will experience premature ejaculation at least once in their life, for some the problem is chronic. When this is the case causes can be linked to a highly sensitive and easily stimulated nervous system, obsessive compulsive disorder, or sometimes a lack of control over the body's response to excitement. A frequently overlooked cause of temporary premature ejaculation is an infection in the prostate gland known as prostatitis. When this is the case, a course of antibiotics often solves the problem. Temporary problems can also result from stress, or from the use of certain medications including some cold pills.

Treatments for chronic premature ejaculation include the antidepressant medication clomipramine (Anafranil) taken 12 hours before sex, and use of a condom to help reduce sensation. Sometimes a prescription lidocaine cream can also help by reducing sensation, but that can also impact the partner.



Next: What is the true definition of erectile dysfunction -- and what are the most common causes? »

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What are sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)?

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are infections that can be transferred from one person to another through any type of sexual contact. STDs are sometimes referred to as sexually transmitted infections (STIs) since they involve the transmission of a disease-causing organism from one person to another during sexual activity. It is important to realize that sexual contact includes more than just sexual intercourse (vaginal and anal). Sexual contact includes kissing, oral-genital contact, and the use of sexual "toys," such as vibrators. STDs probably have been around for thousands of years, but the most dangerous of these conditions, the acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), has only been recognized since 1984.

Many STDs are treatable, but effective cures are lacking for others, such as HIV, HPV, and hepatitis B and C. Even gonorrhea, once easily cured, has become resistant to many of the ...

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