7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
How to resolve the most common relationship problems and get your love life back on track
By
Carol Sorgen
WebMD Medical News
Reviewed By
Amal Chakraburtty, MD
It's a rare couple that doesn't run into at least a few relationship
problems -- even when their love life is generally happy. It helps, experts
say, to know what the most common problems in a relationship or marriage are.
That way you'll have a better chance of getting through them if they occur in
yours. Scott Haltzman, MD, is a clinical assistant professor of psychology at
Brown University in Providence, R.I. "Knowing what to expect from relationships
-- the good, the bad, and the ugly -- is the best way to make sure you're not
looking for something that will never be there," Haltzman says.
Ideally, basic topics such as money, sex, and kids should be discussed
before a couple decide to share their life together, says Margaret A. Cochran,
PhD. Cochran is a San Francisco Bay area psychotherapist who coaches couples on
resolving marriage problems and building romantic intimacy. But agreeing on
these things, she says, doesn't guarantee that a marriage or long-term
relationship is going to be trouble free.
Marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, PhD, director of the NIH-funded
Early Years of Marriage project at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, has
identified seven common relationship problems and ways to address them. Her
suggestions can help you get a wobbly relationship back on track.
Relationship problem #1: Lack of trust
Trust is an essential part of a relationship, Orbuch tells WebMD. "Trust
becomes an issue when one partner doesn't feel the other is being honest, or
doesn't have his or her best interests at heart," she says. It can become a
major issue if one of you feels the other has a roving eye - or worse, sees
signs of a cheating spouse.
Orbuch's solution is a "trust talk." You and your partner need to ask one
another about your feelings about and experience with dependability and
commitment. What are the behaviors that are causing you to lose trust in your
partner or to doubt his or her commitment? Finally -- and Orbuch says you need
to think about this carefully -- do you have unresolved issues of your own that
hinder your ability to trust others? "You have to have a trustworthy partner,"
Orbuch says, "but you also have to have the ability to trust."
Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of When Your "Perfect Partner" Goes Perfectly Wrong, offers these tips to help
you and your partner develop trust in each other.
- Be consistent.
- Be on time. When you have to be late, call and say you'll be late.
- Do what you say you will do, and call when you say you will call.
- Don't lie - not even little white lies - to your partner or to others.
- Be fair, even in an argument.
- Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't
discount how your partner feels.
- Carry your fair share of chores.
- Respect your partner's boundaries.
- Be a good listener.
- Try not to overreact when things go wrong.
- Don't dig up old wounds. Remember that once you say things, you can't take
them back.
- Don't be jealous.
Relationship problem #2: Issues with sex
Even partners who love each other can have problems in their sexual
relationship, says Orbuch. Pointing to the thorny issues of frequency,
satisfaction, types of sexual activity, and the role of physical intimacy in
the rest of the relationship, Orbuch tells WebMD that the nature of sex can
change over the course of a relationship. "The passage of time," she says,
"affects sexuality. Most couples don't retain that urgent longing they first
felt."
Talking about your sexual relationship not only gets the issue out in the
open, but can also be arousing, says Orbuch. "Talk about your fantasies, how
often you'd like to have sex, what things you might like to try," she says. For
many women, talk leads to intimacy, though that's not always true for men.
Passion can also be fueled by "newness." "Do something new and exciting with
your partner," Orbuch says, "whether that's taking a cooking class
together or arranging a mystery date."
Relationship problem #3: Not enough communication
"Many couples assume that handling daily tasks is communicating," Orbuch
says. "But true communication means sharing your goals and thoughts and dreams
- not just talking about whose turn it is to pick up the kids."
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