Feature Archive

Recharge Your Love Life

Synchronize your sex drives in three easy steps

By Denise Mann
WebMD Feature

Reviewed By Amal Chakraburtty, MD

He's feeling amorous. But after a day of work, chauffeuring the kids, cooking, and doing the laundry, you are way too tired to even think about sex. Four days later, you are rested and in the mood - but he's so stressed about the plummeting stock market, he just wants to grab a beer and go to sleep.

You used to be so sexually compatible. Is the honeymoon really, finally, over?

Relax. Relationship experts say your problem is just a simple case of "desire discrepancy." It's common - but if ignored, it can wreak havoc on your love life.

"Desire discrepancy," says psychoanalyst Gail Saltz, MD, "is probably the most frequent complaint that you hear and it goes both ways. Saltz is an associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine in New York City and the author of several books including a new one on women and sexuality. "More often, the man wants more sex than the woman. But sometimes, it's the other way around, and women may feel embarrassed about it."

Los Angeles based sex therapist Ava Cadell, PhD, EdD, agrees. "Mismatched sex drive is the number one problem that I see couples for," says Cadell, the author of a number of books including 12 Steps to Everlasting Love.