Sex Matters®: Start Me Up
Scheduling sex -- and other ways to rev up out-of-sync drives.
By Louanne Cole
Brunilda Nazario, MD
Q: My husband and I have a discrepancy in desire. How do we make it match?
A: Many people wait a long time before they try to do anything about
sexual-frequency discrepancies -- sometimes 15 or more years.
When this happens, couples settle into a pattern-they get used to turning in
each night and staying on their own sides of the bed. How do you overcome this
pattern? Here are some ideas:
One prime issue is scheduling. Some people find that if they
routinely schedule time together during which sex is a possibility (but not a
requirement), they realize what they are missing and get back into it. It may
sound too easy, but for some couples this is the answer.
Other people have a difficult time getting things
started. They feel anxiety when they go
from a nonsexual state to a sexual one. Once they do,
they're fine and they wonder, "Why was this so difficult? Why don't we do this