Self Image: Who's That Thin Person in the Mirror? (cont.)
That was the case for Lisa Goezte, a one-time chronic overeater who once tipped the scales at 550 pounds. Even after "stomach-reducing" surgery at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia helped her lose more than 350 pounds, it took some time before her new self-image kicked in.
"I had people consistently telling me that I was losing weight, but it was bizarre because I never saw it. I was so used to seeing myself in the mirror looking a certain way, that this was the image I continued to see," says Goezte, now a personal trainer at Can Do gym in Edgewater, N.J.
Even as she approached her goal weight, she stuck with dark colors and baggy clothes, and tried to hide her body as much as possible, she says. It wasn't until she won certification as a personal trainer that her mind began to catch up with what her body had accomplished.
"The fitness world is place of perfect bodies, and when I began to see that I was accepted there, in that world, I began to look at myself differently," says Goezte, who admits she still occasionally has a day when the woman in the mirror seems larger than life.
Passing for Thin
While liking the image you see in the mirror is a good start, you may not be mentally "fat-free" If you've been battling the bulge for any significant amount of time, says Los Angeles psychologist and body image expert Yvonne Thomas, PhD.
"Reacting as if you are still fat -- or what being fat means to you -- can become a natural reflex, driven by the subconscious, and capable of influencing our behavior in ways we sometimes don't see," Thomas tells WebMD.
That means you may often find yourself in an emotional tug-of-war between the person you are now and the one you used to be, she says.
"We may think we are reacting to our life in the here, but in reality, every day is like walking through a minefield of emotional, and sometimes, humiliating memories of what we endured when we were overweight," says Thomas.
In her new book Passing for Thin, author Frances Kuffel -- once 338 pounds and now a svelte size 10 -- details this very experience.
"It is hard to put that humiliation you felt as an overweight person behind you, partly because, I think, that at least some of the problems that caused you to overeat are probably still with you," says Kuffel. "You don't automatically lose those when you lose the weight."
While she finally enjoys shopping for clothes and doing some of the things her weight once kept her from doing, she says it's hard not to want to hide in the background for family photographs or to make herself invisible at social functions.
"Old habits, old ways of thinking about yourself can be very hard to break," says Kuffel. She admits that when she looks in the mirror she still sees a woman who doesn't deserve happiness -- much as she did when she was overweight.
Loving the New You