Sex : Intimate Questions and Concerns (cont.)

Member: Can you tell me a little about penis enlargement? Is there really such a thing? I've been receiving a lot of spam email lately offering all kinds of stuff about that and I must confess that for years I have this complex about size. My wife says she is satisfied and she doesn't care, but I can't believe that. It's me that is not satisfied. That doesn't seem to be an issue in our sexual life but it does bother me sometimes.

Weston: About four years ago there were quite a few surgeons performing penis enlargement surgery. Most have stopped doing the surgery because the results were not always that good. It involved cutting a suspensory ligament that allowed the penis to dangle longer and lower from the body when not erect. But when erection occurred, most men who had this surgery found that their erections pointed more toward the floor than the ceiling. In many cases it needed to be lifted by hand to be inserted. Some men had cases of pubic hair growing out of the shaft of the penis and felt uncomfortable with that result.

Widening procedures involve injecting fat under the skin. Although some came out well, others came out lumpy and uneven looking. In a few cases it turned into necrosis where some of this tissue actually died. So I would be the last one to recommend penis widening or lengthening surgeries.

There are men who are doing a technique now called Jelquing, which involves daily tugging on the penis and there are some men who firmly believe this has worked to lengthen their penis. There is one person on the Sex Matters message board who is a big fan and his name is Steven62; he has posted descriptions in detail of how to do this technique. There are others who say, "nope I've been tugging for a while and nothing is happening." To be honest I have some skepticism. The time when your penis is likely to look the biggest is when you've just stepped out of a hot shower. The warmth in your body permits your scrotum to hang lower and fuller and your penis to be as full of blood as it could be without being erect. So, for times when you would like to see yourself at your biggest, try a hot shower.

Personally, I'd rely on what your wife says, and realize that the vagina is most sensitive at the outer three inches. Any man with three inches or more has that territory covered. Just to prove that point, gynecologists can do minor surgery in women's vaginas past that three inches without anesthesia. Hopefully that will make a believer out of you. Most of what you receive in your spam is just attempting to take advantage of people's doubts, particularly things that come in pill or cream form.

Member: I've been married to my wife for five years, and we both have never been engaged in sex before or after marriage with anybody else. My question is, can I have anal sex with my wife without using condom? Is there any risk of getting an STD? Since we both never had sex outside the marriage should we still use the condom for anal sex?

Weston: Since you have not had sex with any other partners, you would not have any STDs. So, you would not convey anything to one another by having sex in her anus. There could be danger if part of your anal sexuality included what's called rimming. That is where the mouth of one person contacts the anus of the other person. There could be bacteria -- not sexually transmitted -- in the feces of the partner that could, taken into the mouth of the other, be problematic. But you could not catch anything such as HIV from anal intercourse with your wife. For simplicity sake you might want to continue using the condom so that there isn't any concern about accidentally transferring anal bacteria to places you don't want it, such as one's mouth or vagina. If you use a condom you can simply peel it off and not have to think about anything else. Anal bacteria can cause a vaginal infection if it gets in there.

Member: How does one solve the problem of premature ejaculation through self help?

Weston: An important technique that you can do on your own involves stimulating yourself up near to the point of ejaculating but stopping just short of it. You would want to approach and stop two times in one masturbation session before allowing yourself to reach orgasm on that third approach. This helps you recognize your point of no return and get familiar with it. That way when you are with a partner, you can start to recognize when you are close and slow down or back off from the stimulation before ejaculating.

When you are masturbating, be sure of focus on your sexual feelings. It is not the time to think of baseball scores and taking out the garbage.

Many men with rapid ejaculation try not to pay attention to their body and their sexual sensations. I recommend doing just the opposite. Pay lots of attention to what you are feeling and what is going on throughout your body. That is a technique that you should practice frequently, perhaps several times per week, to get your body used to a new way of responding. You can also look at both the FAQs featured at the top of the front page of the Sex Matters message board because I have more details about that there. And there is at least one article in the Sex Matters archives located at the top of that same page. So you could read up on it there, as well.

Member: I am an attractive, sexually-active 60-year-old who really enjoys sex. My last relationship was with a man 18 years younger and very active and good in bed (we made love four to five days a week, for several hours each time). I am being courted by an old flame who is 70-years-old, has always been a very high-energy, active person, and is in great physical shape. He has been an athlete for most of his life and exercises a minimum of three hours a day since he was 14. He has just undergone a triple bypass and will soon undergo back surgery. If I take this relationship further, what are the chances that he will satisfy me sexually and for how many years is it reasonable to expect a man 70 to be sexually active? I really would appreciate your response, as it is an important question. I can't keep on going out with 30- and 35-year-olds to take care of this issue.

Weston: Well, my crystal ball is a bit hazy. There are a few things I can say to help you with your interest in predicting the future. If your 70-year-old athlete has been able to resume his workout schedule since his surgeries, there is a pretty good chance that he would have the stamina to keep up with you. Of course, one can't guarantee this, but this person might be worth exploring. There are some athletic men who do not have a strong sexual appetite so one can never know for sure what kind of sexual desire would be available to you. You could engage in some flirtatious conversation and see what kind of flirtatious conversation you get back before you actually test the waters.

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