Parenting: Children are from Heaven (cont.)

The next child needs routine, schedule, ritual and rhythm in their life. Special time with Mommy, and Daddy. Their life has to be in a realm of expectation and knowing what to expect all the time. These are receptive children. They then grow out of that and can take risks. The moody sensitive child, if they get understanding can become light and free. The responsive child can learn to commit and finish things. In this way, parents with this understanding can recognize why the child was resisting them. The child has been deprived. They don't have the emotional support to be cooperative.

Event_Moderator With the holiday's, there is always lots of tension and stress, family responsibilities. IS there any advise in dealing with hectic times and the behavior within the family unit?

Dr_Gray Lots of advice, but can you be more specific? Raising children? As you said, this is the most stressful time of the year and it's important to understand why. Then we can eliminate the cause of the stress. There is a lot of pressure put on us to give presents, visit family. Everyone is expected to be happy, and nice, friendly, do things that they're not expected to do at other times. With receptive children, you have to say "now it's Christmas time, this is what we do." With sensitive children, telling them that they have to be nice and lovely and cheery is not the answer. But, people that are more in touch with their feelings need to be able to vent them, there needs to be room for that. The sensitive child will say, 'they got that gift and I didn't,' and get upset. Don't make the child wrong for that. Just let them talk about it ...'I understand you wanted that gift. Let's talk about that.' The active adult needs to know ... what's required of me, what is my role. A married couple is going to visit relatives and the husband doesn't like them and yet is being pulled along! The wife can say, 'honey I know you don't like being here, but your being here makes me feel good ...' Give him a role, and then he'll go along with that. Taking these temperaments into consideration, gives us a lot of knowledge. The receptive temperament goes out of whack when they don't have enough sleep or food to eat. There are parties and people don't get enough sleep! So, please get enough sleep .. and the other thing is there are a lot of desserts. So, a lot of people are hypoglycemic ... avoid the high sugar products and even juices. Your mood and temperament will be much nicer and easier. I know what it's like, I'm a person, but I found a remedy for that. It's the most wonderful supplement you can ever put in your body ... please drink 10 glasses of water a day. No one says, 'this is it!' It's hard to over eat when you're drinking that much water. And, your need for sugar won't be as high. You're free from sugar and fat cravings. If you avoid those .. you can avoid those by thinking 'there's an abundance of fresh, healthy food here.' Eat as much of that as you want and drink lots of water. That's what puts on the weight, refined sugar and carbohydrates.

Event_Moderator {question presented} You state that the biggest problems people face growing up can be cured at home. That places the most responsibility of dealing with healthy development of children on parents. However, our society is set up so that this responsibility is actually levied on schools. What can we as a society in aggregate best deal with this reality?

Dr_Gray First of all, people need to recognize that this is a problem, no problem can be solved til we recognize it. We just assume that this is the norm and this is the way life has been. That's how we diminish a problem. Yet the reality is look at history and you'll find that schools were never responsible for our children. One hundred (100) years ago, children primarily stayed at home, it's only in this century that children now all go to school, and it's against the law for children to be working and they have to go to school, or home schooling. My great grandfather was a great lecturer in California and he traveled around as the school superintendent of the state, giving lectures to parents to please send their kids to school!

Dr_Gray {action} laughs. So, one of the major changes in history is sending the children away from the parents and giving teachers responsibility for them. And a teacher cannot be responsible for 30 kids! So, in recognizing that problem, one solution is smaller classes. Or parents have to not let go of responsibility of their children and hand it over to teachers, they're wonderful and capable, but that's an impossible job. Just being aware of the problem, an attitude of 'I'm responsible for my kids, where are they going? what are they doing? what are their relationships like? what are their successes in school?' We parents need to be informed. You have to find out by asking your child and do they tell you? No!

Every parent knows you can't get anything out of your kid. And, the power is all in your child's lap, but the parent has to have the power, and the children will become the followers and share. With the right communication skills, the children will talk to them and feel that they're directing their lives. The internet is fantastic .. there's a web site called They have a free software for schools where the school signs up for free and make it a project ... the class has a bulletin board. there's a site for the class and a site for the child, the child's homework is on the site, his/her best papers. Now you can go and see what your kids are doing every day, at your lunch break, during work, any time you want. Now your kids know that you know and they feel under your leadership. When I was a kid, it was hard for me to do drugs cause my dad always wanted to know where I was and how he could reach me by phone. He'd give random calls asking me how it was going and he could tell by my voice if I was high or not high ... I couldn't get away with it. Kids can feel if they're under their parents supervision. They change their behavior. Children respond to someone who's informed. If you're not informed, they tend to say nothing.

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