Sex: How Couples Can Communicate Their Needs (cont.)

Moderator: What should we do when we're both "in the mood" but there's not a lot of privacy?

Dr. Cadell: When you're both in the mood, you can stimulate erogenous zones that are not necessarily hidden. You can always kiss, whether you have children or are surrounded by friends or relatives, I think that kissing is the most important sexual activity that a couple can do on a regular basis. I believe it should be a ritual at least twice a day for twelve seconds in the morning and twelve seconds at night. You can also touch each other, caress, you can whisper erotic fantasies in each other's ears and you can build sexual anticipation for later on when you have more privacy.

Moderator: Are PDAs [Public Displays of Affection]  inappropriate?

Dr. Cadell: I think they're wonderfully appropriate. I think one way to maintain spice in your love life is to flirt with your lover in public, because flirting instills confidence and makes people feel good. I think holding hands and kissing and even having code words is a lot of fun and just communicating erotically.

Moderator: Does penis size matter as far as orgasms are involved?

Dr. Cadell: No. Penis size is absolutely irrelevant because both men and women have the same two inches of sensitivity. The top two inches of a man's penis are the most sensitive and the first two inches inside a woman's vagina. The size of a man's penis is irrelevant. The width of his penis is more important than the length because a woman wants to feel the man's penis on the walls of her vagina, and if it's very thin like a pencil, then she's not going to get the stimulation on the walls of her vagina and he may have to use some kind of sex toy or some kind of added stimulation for her.

Moderator: Where exactly is the "G-Spot" located?

Dr. Cadell: Every single woman has a G-Spot. I like to call it the Goddess Spot. It stands for Grasenberg. He was a gynecologist in the 1940's who discovered that women could derive pleasure from the urethral sponge and that is where the G-spot is located. It is a spot that lies on the vaginal wall between the cervix and the pubic bone and it feels like a small lump which swells as it is stimulated and has ridges on it much like corduroy material.

Moderator: Is there a male "G-Spot"?

Dr. Cadell: It's funny you should ask. Yes. The male G-Spot or equivalent thereof is actually inside the man's anus, but it's only about a knuckle inside. The best way to reach it is to insert your finger in a come hither motion. It is just before you get to his prostate.

Moderator: And what exactly is the function of the prostate?

Dr. Cadell: The prostate is a gland. It's a gland that a lot of men unfortunately suffer from prostate cancer and after the prostate is removed, they can no longer ejaculate. It's a very important gland.

Moderator: Can men have orgasms with their prostate removed?

Dr. Cadell: They can have orgasms but they cannot ejaculate. They have dry orgasms.

Moderator: Do you believe that watching pornography is a healthy activity for couples?

Dr. Cadell: I do believe that watching pornography is therapeutic, is highly erotic, and is very healthy as long as there are two consenting adults and both want to watch it. There are certain adult movies that are enjoyed by men because they're graphic. Any movie by Michael Ninn. He does very graphic but very good adult movies. He's contemporary and the movies have incredible special effects. For women, there is a director called Andrew Blake who does beautiful sharp focus yet highly erotic adult movies which I believe women will enjoy more.

Moderator: How can you and your partner find the space and time to fulfill each other's sexual needs with children running around the house?

Dr. Cadell: Couples with children need to make time for love and sex because your children will grow up, fall in love, and they're going to leave you in a loveless, sexless marriage unless you make it a priority. What I recommend is that if you have small children you tell them, mommy and daddy are going upstairs for their own private play time. Kids will understand that because kids have play time, too. Obviously you're going to make sure they have supervision while you do this. If your kids are older, there is nothing more healthy than a child seeing that his or her parents are openly affectionate. I recommend that parents have at least one fantasy date a week where they know they're going to be intimate.

Moderator: Dr. Cadell, what are the ten steps to great sex?

Dr. Cadell: I'd like to give you the ten steps to great sex: Flirting with your partner, kissing at least twice a day passionately for 12 seconds, discovering each other's erogenous zones, using all five of your senses when making love, using erotic talk, sharing sexual fantasies, indulging in oral love, using sex toys, changing sexual positions and locations, and cuddling. They're all important. The most important ingredient in a successful relationship is obviously communication, but touching one another is essential especially as you get older and you've been together longer. That instills confidence.

Moderator: What are the most common mistakes that men make when trying to please their women?

Dr. Cadell: The most common mistake that men make is that they are always in a hurry to get to orgasm. Women like a man with a slow hand. Women need to be prepared for sex and lots of men expect women to get turned on as quickly as they do. Women need approximately 20 minutes of foreplay. One of the biggest mistakes that men make when it comes to oral love is they dive into the clitoris and they chew on it like beef jerky. In fact, the woman's clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and it is very sensitive.