Sex: How Couples Can Communicate Their Needs (cont.)

Dr. Cadell: It's time to move on to a new partner when you ask yourself one question: "How would I feel if I never saw this person again?" If the answer is, "Relieved," then it's time to move on. And if the answer is, "I would miss this person," then obviously you've got someone good in your life and you need to work at it.

Moderator: What scents, fragrances and odors are the biggest turn on's to women? To men?

Dr. Cadell: Quite honestly it depends upon the individual. However, scientists have been doing some research and they have come up with the following: It seems that men like sweet fragrances, which is why women always buy flowery perfumes and soaps. And men are also very partial to cinnamon and apple pie for those ladies that cook well. Women are stimulated by more musky scents, which is why men's fragrances smell completely different than women's.

Moderator: How powerful are pheromones?

Dr. Cadell: I've never heard of an addiction but pheromones are how people are attracted chemically to one another. It comes from our sweat glands and when someone says you smell so good and you're not wearing fragrance, they're talking about your pheromones. This is how animals find each other and are attracted to one another. The moth will fly for miles because of the scent from another moth. As we all know, dogs are always sniffing each other's behinds before they have any sexual contact and they're checking on the sexual attraction from the pheromones.

Moderator: What is the most commonly neglected erogenous zone?

Dr. Cadell: I love that. I would say that all the erogenous zones are neglected except for the sexual organs and the breasts. We are covered in erogenous zones from top of our head to tip of our toe. One exercise that I give couples is to invest the time in kissing and caressing their partner from the head to the toes, moving a half an inch at a time. The receiver of pleasure must give verbal feedback and rate their erogenous zones from one to ten, ten being the most pleasurable. If one wants to, you can take away one of the senses but not necessarily. You only need to remember the erogenous zones that are seven and above, and you can keep going back to those. There are some unusual erogenous zones such as the back of the knees, licking of the eyebrows and the navel.

Moderator: What are the most erotic foods?

Dr. Cadell: I think anything that you eat with your fingers can be very erotic, especially when you feed one another. Chocolate turns me on. Also it's what you do with foods that makes them erotic. For example, if you take a cooked asparagus and one of you puts one end in your mouth and the other takes the other end and then you nibble away until you meet in middle for a passionate kiss, this makes asparagus highly erotic. There are foods which are known for [containing the mineral] zinc such as oysters, and thereby release extra testosterone in the body which is why that is an aphrodisiac.

Moderator: Is sex with different foods, i.e., fruits and vegetables, safe?

Dr. Cadell: It is not safe to insert anything into the human body because you can get infections, especially sweet foods. However, if you were to put a condom on a vegetable, I would not be against that if both of you wanted to do it.

Moderator: Is it common for people to be allergic to condoms?

Dr. Cadell: Some people are sensitive to latex which is why they have polyurethane condoms. If you're allergic to one [condom], you can use the others. There are also lubricants that don't have nonoxynol-9. You have to practice safe sex and you can't be allergic to everything. Polyurethane condoms are approved by the FDA and they're available everywhere, as are latex condoms. The female condom is made out of polyurethane. I think it's terrific but not as comfortable and as easy as a man wearing a condom.

Moderator: Physiologically, what occurs during an orgasm?

Dr. Cadell: There are four stages of orgasm. An orgasm is reached when a male or a female has reached the highest degree of sexual tension, triggering involuntary muscular contractions. According to Masters and Johnson, there may be from six to 15 contractions, each lasting for about a second or between one and three seconds. This is for men and women. In both sexes, the whole body is involved with the spasmodic contractions. At this point, blood flows into the genitals and fills the genitalia with as much blood flow as possible, causing them to swell. Some women are multi-orgasmic, whereas when men reach an orgasm, they usually ejaculate at the same time even though it's two completely separate functions.

Moderator: It is possible for a man to achieve orgasm without ejaculating?

Dr. Cadell: Absolutely. A man can separate his orgasm from ejaculation by squeezing his PC (Pubococcygeus) muscle. The PC muscle is the support muscle in the genital. The best way to identify it is to imagine that he is urinating and he has to stop the flow of urine. One can exercise this muscle without urinating. You just have to think about it and you have to strengthen the PC muscle, which is as thin as a pencil or as thick as three fingers, depending on how strong it is. After you've exercised it for at least three weeks and built up some stamina, then you can better control ejaculation by squeezing that muscle when you feel the climax approaching. With a lot of practice, a man can literally experience the same full body orgasm as a woman without ejaculation.

Moderator: And this is healthy?

Dr. Cadell: Very healthy. Some men practice this and they don't ejaculate for days, for weeks, and others don't ejaculate for months.

Moderator: Is sex during menstruation okay?

Dr. Cadell: Yes, sex during menstruation is perfectly okay. Some women complain that they are more sensitive and some men are turned off for obvious reasons. Physiologically it's absolutely okay.