Orgasms: Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Woman (cont.)

It is very common not to be able to have an orgasm during intercourse because a woman's primary source of pleasure is the clitoris, which is not directly stimulated during intercourse. It would be like asking a man to have an orgasm without ever touching the head of his penis.

To have an orgasm during intercourse either you or your partner need to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse. You or your partner can do this with your fingers. There are also certain positions that make this easier, including a woman on top where she rubs her pubic bone against her male partner's pubic bone.

Orgasm during intercourse, if it is from clitoral stimulation, which is how 90% of women orgasm, is the same as an orgasm outside of intercourse. Some women, and these are the minority, are able to orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. For women who have vaginal orgasms, they do feel somewhat different from clitoral orgasms, perhaps more diffuse and deeper and they require that a woman surrender physically and emotionally more intensely.

I certainly encourage you, if you're interested, to explore vaginal pleasure spots, which I discuss in detail in Chapter 5 of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman , but it is most important to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse to experience orgasm.

It takes me so long to climax. I always feel like I have to hurry up because he can reach climax so much faster than I do. So, I end up not quite getting to orgasm, and am left feeling rushed and frustrated. What can we do?

This is a problem for many couples. Women (in general) are slower to become aroused and to orgasm than men. However, women have greater sexual capacity for pleasure than men and can typically go much longer.

Having techniques for stimulation that work for you are extremely important in getting you hotter faster. I also find that women who have their first orgasm from oral sex are quicker to passion and that it is easier to have a subsequent orgasm. Do not minimize the importance of "foreplay" which is any sexual interaction prior to intercourse, and particularly clitoral stimulation, which, again, is the most important component of increasing a woman's desire and need to orgasm.

What is a "whole body" orgasm?

Whole body orgasm refers to an orgasm that is not just felt in the pelvis but reverberates throughout your body so your toes, fingers and nose are tingling as well.

I teach women how to have this experience by feeling their desire or sexual energy in their bodies and being able to move it throughout their bodies in a simple cycle called the microcosmic orbit. This is an ancient Daoist energy pathway that runs up the spine and down the front of the body. Though it sounds strange, it is simple to learn. The benefits to your sexual pleasure and overall energy level are tremendous.

Once I have an orgasm, either orally or through intercourse -- I am done. I want more but it takes me time to regroup and get stimulated again. Why?

This is a common problem because you are having a single orgasm that is similar to a male orgasmic pattern. What I teach women in my book is how to keep their desire or sexual energy high after orgasm by becoming aware of that energy and circulating it in their bodies so that having another orgasm doesn't require that you "start all over." It is important to begin stimulation again soon after the first orgasm in whatever way appeals to you. And to use the simple techniques I use to teach to keep the sexual energy in your body high.

Other simple sexual techniques, such as "teasing" are helpful. This involves increasing stimulation and then backing off slightly and then increasing stimulation again so your body then expects that after reaching a peak of pleasure, a second peak will follow. After having one orgasm your body then expects, after a slight drop in desire, that a second will follow.

"For women who are menopausal, staying sexually active releases estrogen and testosterone which helps with hot flashes, maintains sex drive and vaginal lubrication."

After I have an orgasm, I can't stand to be touched -- I become hyper-sensitive.

Many women have that experience. Resume touch in an area that is not hypersensitive -- typically not the vaginal area. Arms, fingers, lips, any other area that are not hypersensitive are fine to stimulate and can keep your desire boiling. There are also simple breathing techniques that help with relaxation, such as belly breathing.

Can you explain the breathing techniques you recommend?

This involves taking a deep breath so your belly relaxes. This sets off a relaxation response in the body and helps women overcome the anxious feelings that arise during sexuality.

Other breathing and visualization techniques allow women to enhance the desire they feel in their body and as I described previously, move the energy up their spine and around their body so the desire is not simply concentrated in their sexual organs, but is distributed throughout their body. This both enhances pleasure and acts as a healing force to the body as a whole.

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