Secret to Good Sex?
Talk, talk, and more talk.
Sept. 11, 2000 -- Steve and Cathy Brody of Cambria, Calif., on the Golden State's scenic Central Coast, are psychotherapists who specialize in couples counseling. When it comes to sexual dysfunction and its treatment, however, the Brodys' best success story is their own. And the best weapon in their personal therapeutic arsenal is the same advice they give others.
If you want a better sex life, they say, find the courage to share your sexual secrets -- to talk about what you want and don't want, sexually speaking.
"When sex hasn't worked for us," says Cathy, a marriage and family therapist, "we talk about it afterward. Because it's not the orgasm that's the goal, it's the intimacy. One thing couples can actually do when they're lying there is talk about it and say, 'We can try this instead.' "
Millions of Americans find it hard to talk about sex. Medical and behavioral scientists have said this for years, based on their clinical experience. And a recent survey of 200 people conducted by the Midwest Institute of Sexology in Southfield, Mich., strongly suggests they're right.
Nearly 9 in 10 men in relationships with women reported serious problems articulating their needs and desires. Of the women respondents in heterosexual relationships, half reported some difficulties articulating their needs and desires when talking to their partners about sex. The findings cut across all age categories, from teens to seniors.