Help for the Chronically Late
Experts explain why the key to being on
time is understanding why you're always late.
By Sherry Rauh
WebMD Feature
Reviewed By Brunilda
Nazario, MD
New York lingerie designer Carolyn Keating was thrilled to land a job
interview with Victoria's Secret. She knew that being on time was essential to
making a good impression, but there was just one problem. "I had written down
the address wrong. I meant to check it the night before on the computer, but I
didn't." When Keating finally arrived at the correct address, she was 30 minutes
late. "I felt embarrassed and it really flustered me," she tells WebMD. "I
carried that insecure, worried, flustered energy throughout the interview." She
didn't get the job.
Another time, Keating and several friends showed up 15 minutes late to a
colleague's wedding. "The bride was already at the alter. She was basically
saying 'I do' when we tumbled in, and it's hard for six or seven people to
tiptoe in quietly. We were worried that we ruined the most important day of her
life."
For some people, being on time seems nearly impossible -- no matter how
important the event. They're always running out the door in a frenzy, arriving
everywhere at least 10 minutes late. If this sounds like you, have you ever
wished you could break the pattern? According to Julie Morgenstern, author of
Time Management From the Inside Out, the first step is to make
promptness a conscious priority.
"Look at the costs of being late and the payoffs of being on time,"
Morgenstern advises. She says it's important to recognize that being late is
upsetting to others and stressful for the one who is late. "I think people's
stress level is very high when they're late. They're racing, worried, and
anxious. They spend the first few minutes apologizing. One of the payoffs of
being on time is that you eliminate the stress of the travel time and you
eliminate the time spent apologizing."
The Consequences of Being Late
The consequences of being chronically late run deeper than many people
realize, according to psychologist Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your
Fears. "You're creating a reputation for yourself, and it's not the best
reputation to be establishing. People feel they can't trust you or rely on you,
so it impacts relationships. It also impacts self-esteem."
Once you feel motivated to make a change, Morgenstern says the next step is
to figure out why you're always late. The reason can usually be classified as
either technical or psychological.
Technical Difficulties
"If you're always late by a different amount of time -- five minutes
sometimes, 15, or even 40 minutes other times -- it is likely that the cause is
technical," Morgenstern tells WebMD. "That means you are not good at estimating
how long things take," whether it's drive times or routine activities like
taking a shower.
Keating says she falls into this category. "It's a case of bad planning, of
thinking you need less time than you actually do."
The solution, Morgenstern says, is to "become a better time estimator." She
suggests keeping track of everything you do for a week or two. "Write down how
long you think each thing will take and then how long it actually took." This
will help you find a pattern, so you can adjust your time estimates.
Keating says this strategy is helpful. "You have to be realistic about how
long certain things take, especially things you do routinely. If you know it
takes 20 minutes to blow dry your hair, allow yourself 20 minutes to blow dry
your hair," she says, "and leave a little extra time for those days when your
hair is uncooperative."
Learning to Say 'No'
Another technical difficulty for some people is the inability to say "no" to
additional commitments when they're short on time. You might be a good time
estimator, Morgenstern explains, but "your best-laid plans get waylaid when
someone asks you for something and you can't say 'no.'"
The solution to this problem is to "practice catchphrases," Morgenstern tells
WebMD. Learn to defer or decline requests by saying, "I would love to help, but
I'm on a deadline" or "I'm meeting people in half an hour. I can help you
tomorrow."
Choosing to Be Late
"If you are literally always 10 minutes late, it's psychological,"
Morgenstern says. "You're arriving exactly when you want. The question is
'why?'"
Sapadin says the answer depends on your personality type. "For some people,
it's a resistance thing," she tells WebMD. "It's a carryover of rebelliousness
from childhood. They don't want to do what other people expect them to."
Another category is the "crisis-maker," someone who thrives on the minicrisis
of running late. "These are people who cannot get themselves together until they
get an adrenaline rush," Sapadin explains. "They need to be under the gun to get
themselves moving."
Planning for Wait Time
For most people, running late has more to do with anxiety about where they're
going. "There's a fear factor in which people are anxious about going at all or
about getting there too early and having nothing to do," Sapadin says.
Morgenstern agrees. "There is a tremendous fear of downtime, an anxiety
associated with doing nothing and waiting." You know you're in this category if
you'd rather be late to a massage than spend one minute sitting in the waiting
room.
To overcome wait time anxiety, Morgenstern suggests planning "something
highly absorbing to do while you wait." Try to arrive at every appointment 10 or
15 minutes early and use the time for a specific activity, such as writing notes
to people, reading a novel, or catching up with friends on the phone. This
strategy can help convert dreaded wait time into time that is productive and
pleasurable, giving you an incentive to be on time.
Walking Out the Door
Finally, a deceptively simple tip from Morgenstern: Walk out the door on
time. She says many people try to avoid downtime by "shoving in one more thing"
just before they need to leave. She calls this the "one-more-task syndrome" and
says it's a major obstacle to being on time. "If you really want to beat this,
the minute you think of squeezing in one more thing before you leave, just don't
do it. Stop yourself in your tracks, grab your bag and walk out the door."
Published June 20, 2005.
SOURCES: Carolyn Keating, lingerie
designer, New York. Julie Morgenstern, author,
Time Management From the
Inside Out: The Foolproof System for Taking Control of Your Schedule and Your
Life. Linda Sapadin, PhD, psychologist; and author,
Master Your Fears:
How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get on with Your Life.
© 2005
WebMD Inc. All rights reserved.
Last Editorial Review: 7/8/2005
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