Emotional Wellness (cont.)
In this Article
Instead of expecting everything in your life to go smoothly -- some things will, and some definitely won't -- or worrying about what will happen to you if things go wrong, plan for potential problems.
Some problems blindside us, but others are more predictable. Muriel James gives an example: If you think you may have to get up in the middle of the night, will you fret about possibly tripping over things in the dark, or will you turn on a night light?
"Often people are doing things to mess themselves up, but they really don't have a clue of what is going wrong," Rebecca Curtis says. For example, "They really may not be aware of how they're acting with people."
You probably are very charming -- but maybe you are rubbing people the wrong way. Too much self-consciousness can paralyze you socially, but don't be oblivious to how others perceive you.
The same goes for your work. Don't be afraid to ask, "Am I doing a good job?"
People need to approach what they feel anxious about," Curtis says. This doesn't mean you should force yourself into terrifying situations needlessly. But if you never leave your comfort zone, your life will be all the poorer for it.
"If at First You Do Succeed, Try Thinking Like a Woman," is the title of a chapter in Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Overcome Burnout, by Steven Berglas, PhD.
"Women hold on to relationships with competitors. Men litter the battlefield with corpses," says Berglas, a psychologist at the John E. Anderson School of Management at UCLA.
Spreading your success around, rather than jealously guarding it, promotes better emotional health by continuing to build your sense of self-worth. "If success ends your ability to build self-esteem, or if you're not building self-esteem, you're just resting on it, then you start committing crazy acts," Berglas says.
People who get bored with their success, he says, "start looking for ways to dare the devil and beat him." Eventually they lose.
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