Patient Comments: Borderline Personality Disorder - Symptoms

What symptoms did you experience with borderline personality disorder?

Comment from: Living_in_hell, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: January 08

I've had this illness for at least 20 years. I feel that there are not enough resources in Canada for patients that are borderline. Every day I wish I could just die because of the suffering. I feel that this illness is not taken as seriously as others such as depression or bipolar. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so negative. I'm just so tired of feeling so awful all the time. I constantly feel like everyone hates me and that they all want to hurt me. My emotions are up and down all day. But when I get depressed, it can last for days. I tend to pull away from people and stay alone. I always think the worst. I look in the mirror and see an ugly woman all the time. I feel that I am not capable of ever being happy. I wish I could just die all the time.

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Comment from: hsurp1, 35-44 Female (Patient) Published: August 11

My experience was the self-mutilation and not feeling that I was good enough for anyone. But when I self-mutilated, I was angry at my boyfriend (2 different ones) at the time. I felt like I was not being listened to and thought that cutting myself would get their attention. It sure did! Cut myself two times the first serious time and cut myself very badly the second serious time and ended up in the Mental Ward at the local hospital. But then again, I get angry when I get past hypomania from my Bipolar. Hypomania is the BEST feeling!!! But full blown Mania causes me anxiety and anger. Like I have to yell at someone or hit something. I mostly get depression though.

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Comment from: michellemelton13, 25-34 Female (Patient) Published: January 07

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder over five years ago. I am 31 years old and just now learning to deal with the rage. It takes a toll on my mind and body and being told your crazy is not a great way to cope. I have a hard time dealing with abandonment and I suffered a lot of abuse as a child. My disorder is misunderstood and I have lost a lot of people due to the fact they do not understand . It's hard to have the symptoms and understand that we are not alone. There is a light in the dark we just have to know it is within ourselves.

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Comment from: JerseyGirl, 55-64 Female (Caregiver) Published: December 10

I am a 59 year old daughter of a a mother with BPD. All my life I have been scapegoated by her and this has resulted in my experiencing major depressive disorder. I try to ignore some of her behavior recognizing that it is her disorder driving her behavior. The intensity of her anger is the scariest part of interacting with her. Sometimes you can see the "madness" in her eyes. I have given up the hope I have had most of my life that if I just pleased her a little more, everything would be ok. Now, I would just like it all to end. I don't wish her ill, but her death will be the only way I can see being free of her torment. I am writing this so BPD parents can see the effect you may be having on your children and seek some kind of family therapy before they start praying for you to be gone from their lives. It is all just such a profound sadness.

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Comment from: its not hopeless, 25-34 Female Published: July 12

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 4 years ago. It was actually a relief to know why I feel the way I do! I'm not one for group therapy, and all the medications they gave me made me feel worse. I took things into my own hands. I researched and educated myself on the illness. It's still an everyday battle and occasionally I still cut myself and think I'd be better off dead. I constantly remind myself why I feel the way I do and it helps. I've managed to maintain a healthy relationship and successful career. I will never feel the way normal people feel, but I know the way I feel and have no choice but to maintain, I have a little girl who needs me.

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Comment from: 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: May 31

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) when I was forced into a mental hospital after self-injuring a bit too deep. I'm still mad about that, but I am also thankful for it. That doctor diagnosed me, which led me to dialectical behavior therapy. I cut myself for around 15 years, but I haven't since the second week of therapy (about 8 months ago). After 2 or 3 months, I quit even thinking about it. My moods are stable now, and I can actually handle them. I just wanted to share so everyone knows there IS hope. Maybe dialectical behavior therapy isn't for you (though you should try), but something out there is.

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Comment from: fruitl00p, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: May 18

A year ago I learned that I have BPD. My only hope is that one day I can feel normal and not crazy. I struggle every day with this disorder; I go from being super happy one second to being angry or sad the next and it changes so quickly, one little thing can set me off and that's it. I feel as though, no one understands what I go through on a daily basis, maybe if someone did understand I wouldn't feel so alone. The relationships I hold with people, are minimal. I don't have many friends because I like them and then they do one little thing and I can't get that little thing out of my head and I end up hating them. I take everything so personally, like if someone doesn't message me back, I think they read it and just don't want to talk so they are ignoring me or they don't like me. Things that aren't a big deal to everyone else, are a big deal to me and then there is conflict. Dating wise is not a fun experience. Even when I am aware that I am getting treated horribly, I stay for fear that I will be alone the rest of my life. Who would want to date someone that can't control their emotions and freaks out over the smallest things! I feel like I'll never be happy.

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Borderline Personality Disorder - Experience Question: Do you or a relative have borderline personality disorder? Please share your experience.
Borderline Personality Disorder - Treatment Question: What types of treatment, including medication, have you received for borderline personality disorder?

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